One hundred things I've learned in three months
1) I look decent with long hair.
2) I have a proto-mullet with wings.
3) My camera has been broken for two months now.
4) Hardwood floors are cold.
5) If I didn't call the electric company to say I haven't been billed, chances are I wouldn't have to pay for electricity.
6) Likewise, if I didn't call Aliant and order internet for myself, I could quite easily subsist on freely-available wireless networks.
7) I am not a cook.
8) My apple crisp tastes suspiciously like oatmeal with apples and extra brown sugar.
9) I haven't had pancakes in over three months.
10) I drink a lot of milk.
11) Garbage sorting is more confusing than necessary.
12) With YouTube, no one needs cable.
13) I own a lot of clothes.
14) If you wait long enough, any apartment can be furnished for free.
15) Trivia is becoming a secondary challenge -- who can text faster than the other table?
16) I am a shitty, shitty trivia host.
17) As a redhead, I instantly have three potential Hallowe'en costumes: Snake from Degrassi (add a Hawaiian shirt, tapered jeans, and a shirt that says "Zit Remedy"); Archie from... well... the Archies (add a letter jacket and a tic-tac-toe sign); or Fry from Futurama (add a red jacket with a white shirt).
18) This year: Fry.
19) Next year: I'll be too old to get dressed up.
20) My best ideas come when I am drunk and/or hung over.
21) I only drink at most twice a week now.
22) I have had two bottles of wine, four beer, and a half of a quart of rum in my fridge for over a month without touching them.
23) Antigonish is an awesome town.
24) If you leave wet dishes on the counter long enough, they dry automatically.
25) If you leave dirty dishes on the counter long enough, you invent mold.
26) I listen to too much local radio.
27) I miss Compass. And The Guardian. And The Buzz.
28) My spelling has become atrocious.
29) The only book I have read was a horribly-written treatise on milleniallism in America that I purchased in a quaint New England bookstore.
30) I have only written one short story this year.
31) The Trailer Park Boys: The Movie was quite funny, but sad at the same time.
32) I have awesome friends.
33) I have powerful enemies.
34) Karla is an amazing girlfriend who I love very, very much.
35) I hardly e-mail (or get e-mailed) any more.
36) I haven't seen my brother and his wife in over a month.
37) I am an adequate poker player.
38) I'm passing off a list of vague generalities as content for this blog.
39) I came up with this idea when I was hung over.
40) I've been working on this list for three weeks now.
41) Curtains aren't necessary if you're never in another room.
42) I can go three weeks without doing laundry and not wear the same shirt twice.
43) Pants, however, are rotated regularly.
44) I am completely ignorant of cars. Especially my car.
45) Given the chance, I would take English courses again in a heartbeat.
46) Given the same chance, I would find a second job and work part-time.
47) I don't have enough free time as it is, so I feel like I might as well work now while I can.
48) Professor Gerald Wandio's quote on this type of situation: "My father always said if you have any time to kill, work it to death."
49) Toaster ovens are completely unnecessary if you already have a toaster and an oven.
50) Except for two bills, I have yet to receive any personally-addressed mail at my apartment in three months.
51) Going back even further, I have never received personally-addressed mail at my previous apartment in over two years.
52) I used to be smart. Now I realize I'm just well-known.
53) I need to be meaner.
54) I miss writing groups.
55) I miss my pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle (2001-2003).
56) I have running jokes with all twenty of my agents.
57) Lists are lame.
58) Moose are terrifying.
59) When I get drunk, I should shut up and go home.
60) I should drink wine on a more frequent basis.
61) I work too much.
62) Not only am I the oldest, but I am also the only male Team Manager at work.
63) Outside of work, I think about work too much.
64) I am very, very self-concious about body odor. If I smell, please tell me, as I can't tell myself.
65) When I get sick, the world stops.
66) Chicken fingers and potatoes are a fine meal.
67) Pasta + tuna + peas = casserole.
68) My current favourite shirt cost $8 at American Eagle. Now the arms have shrunk.
69) I need new shoes.
70) I'm essentially a homebody.
71) Is there a line between "homebody" and "hermit?"
72) If I don't work on a given day, I will take multiple naps in the middle of the day.
73) 70's freedom rock is great.
74) Panic! At the Disco is the funniest band name I have heard since Toad the Wet Sprocket.
75) This list was supposed to be 75 items long, but it is being extended.
76) I'm undecided on The Burning Crusade.
77) I didn't vote in Charlottetown's municipal elections.
78) I don't have time to be interested in local politics.
79) Labour Day 2006 is the first time in four years that I did not write a novel in three days.
80) I miss my university days.
81) Everyone my age is much more accomplished than I am. And I've done a lot.
82) No, really, I mean a whole lot. My resume makes me look fantastic.
83) I do not respond to being yelled at. By anyone. For any reason. So don't do it.
84) I get the feeling I'm going to be a footnote in a lot of important people's lives.
85) Despite my reputation as being "the smart one" in the family, my sister will soon have more education than me.
86) Despite me being the eldest in the family, my brother is much more mature. Tattoos notwithstanding.
87) No two people spell Christmahannukwanzikah the same way.
88) In the span of an hour, I can get 30 work-related e-mails.
89) I'll also get the same number of spam messages in my gmail.com account.
90) I'm easy to get along with.
91) My reputation precedes me.
92) That is often not a positive thing.
93) Raymond Carver taught me that big words are nice, but big ideas are better.
94) I like my bangs.
95) The Smashing Pumpkins' new album better not suck.
96) The best comeback ever is "So's your face."
97) I dread Christmas this year.
98) Woodstock is a long way away.
99) I haven't watched a full hockey game in over two years.
100) One hundred things about me is enough. I have stuff to do.
2) I have a proto-mullet with wings.
3) My camera has been broken for two months now.
4) Hardwood floors are cold.
5) If I didn't call the electric company to say I haven't been billed, chances are I wouldn't have to pay for electricity.
6) Likewise, if I didn't call Aliant and order internet for myself, I could quite easily subsist on freely-available wireless networks.
7) I am not a cook.
8) My apple crisp tastes suspiciously like oatmeal with apples and extra brown sugar.
9) I haven't had pancakes in over three months.
10) I drink a lot of milk.
11) Garbage sorting is more confusing than necessary.
12) With YouTube, no one needs cable.
13) I own a lot of clothes.
14) If you wait long enough, any apartment can be furnished for free.
15) Trivia is becoming a secondary challenge -- who can text faster than the other table?
16) I am a shitty, shitty trivia host.
17) As a redhead, I instantly have three potential Hallowe'en costumes: Snake from Degrassi (add a Hawaiian shirt, tapered jeans, and a shirt that says "Zit Remedy"); Archie from... well... the Archies (add a letter jacket and a tic-tac-toe sign); or Fry from Futurama (add a red jacket with a white shirt).
18) This year: Fry.
19) Next year: I'll be too old to get dressed up.
20) My best ideas come when I am drunk and/or hung over.
21) I only drink at most twice a week now.
22) I have had two bottles of wine, four beer, and a half of a quart of rum in my fridge for over a month without touching them.
23) Antigonish is an awesome town.
24) If you leave wet dishes on the counter long enough, they dry automatically.
25) If you leave dirty dishes on the counter long enough, you invent mold.
26) I listen to too much local radio.
27) I miss Compass. And The Guardian. And The Buzz.
28) My spelling has become atrocious.
29) The only book I have read was a horribly-written treatise on milleniallism in America that I purchased in a quaint New England bookstore.
30) I have only written one short story this year.
31) The Trailer Park Boys: The Movie was quite funny, but sad at the same time.
32) I have awesome friends.
33) I have powerful enemies.
34) Karla is an amazing girlfriend who I love very, very much.
35) I hardly e-mail (or get e-mailed) any more.
36) I haven't seen my brother and his wife in over a month.
37) I am an adequate poker player.
38) I'm passing off a list of vague generalities as content for this blog.
39) I came up with this idea when I was hung over.
40) I've been working on this list for three weeks now.
41) Curtains aren't necessary if you're never in another room.
42) I can go three weeks without doing laundry and not wear the same shirt twice.
43) Pants, however, are rotated regularly.
44) I am completely ignorant of cars. Especially my car.
45) Given the chance, I would take English courses again in a heartbeat.
46) Given the same chance, I would find a second job and work part-time.
47) I don't have enough free time as it is, so I feel like I might as well work now while I can.
48) Professor Gerald Wandio's quote on this type of situation: "My father always said if you have any time to kill, work it to death."
49) Toaster ovens are completely unnecessary if you already have a toaster and an oven.
50) Except for two bills, I have yet to receive any personally-addressed mail at my apartment in three months.
51) Going back even further, I have never received personally-addressed mail at my previous apartment in over two years.
52) I used to be smart. Now I realize I'm just well-known.
53) I need to be meaner.
54) I miss writing groups.
55) I miss my pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle (2001-2003).
56) I have running jokes with all twenty of my agents.
57) Lists are lame.
58) Moose are terrifying.
59) When I get drunk, I should shut up and go home.
60) I should drink wine on a more frequent basis.
61) I work too much.
62) Not only am I the oldest, but I am also the only male Team Manager at work.
63) Outside of work, I think about work too much.
64) I am very, very self-concious about body odor. If I smell, please tell me, as I can't tell myself.
65) When I get sick, the world stops.
66) Chicken fingers and potatoes are a fine meal.
67) Pasta + tuna + peas = casserole.
68) My current favourite shirt cost $8 at American Eagle. Now the arms have shrunk.
69) I need new shoes.
70) I'm essentially a homebody.
71) Is there a line between "homebody" and "hermit?"
72) If I don't work on a given day, I will take multiple naps in the middle of the day.
73) 70's freedom rock is great.
74) Panic! At the Disco is the funniest band name I have heard since Toad the Wet Sprocket.
75) This list was supposed to be 75 items long, but it is being extended.
76) I'm undecided on The Burning Crusade.
77) I didn't vote in Charlottetown's municipal elections.
78) I don't have time to be interested in local politics.
79) Labour Day 2006 is the first time in four years that I did not write a novel in three days.
80) I miss my university days.
81) Everyone my age is much more accomplished than I am. And I've done a lot.
82) No, really, I mean a whole lot. My resume makes me look fantastic.
83) I do not respond to being yelled at. By anyone. For any reason. So don't do it.
84) I get the feeling I'm going to be a footnote in a lot of important people's lives.
85) Despite my reputation as being "the smart one" in the family, my sister will soon have more education than me.
86) Despite me being the eldest in the family, my brother is much more mature. Tattoos notwithstanding.
87) No two people spell Christmahannukwanzikah the same way.
88) In the span of an hour, I can get 30 work-related e-mails.
89) I'll also get the same number of spam messages in my gmail.com account.
90) I'm easy to get along with.
91) My reputation precedes me.
92) That is often not a positive thing.
93) Raymond Carver taught me that big words are nice, but big ideas are better.
94) I like my bangs.
95) The Smashing Pumpkins' new album better not suck.
96) The best comeback ever is "So's your face."
97) I dread Christmas this year.
98) Woodstock is a long way away.
99) I haven't watched a full hockey game in over two years.
100) One hundred things about me is enough. I have stuff to do.
posted by joelg at 4:39 PM
1 Comments:
Poor Joel.
I laughed so hard I cried... it was an amazing thing... ROFL
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